The Dark Side of Life

My watch reminds me that time is passing

Tick Tock

I'm just a todler running around the house without a care in the world

Tick Tock

Five years old at the Independence Day parade

Tick Tock

8th grade, I'm really growing up

Tick Tock

9th grade, freshman year, social pressure rises

Tick Tock

High school graduation, my parents are proud

Tick Tock

College, more pressure to do stupid things, I cave

Tick Tock

Laying on a hospital bed after having my stomach pumped

Tick Tock

Laying on a cot in jail after having be caught with drugs

Tick Tock

Promising myself to change my life

Tick Tock

Getting my life back on track

Tick Tock

Mid-life crisis

Tick Tock

New girlfriend

Tick Tock

Runaway bride

Tick Tock

Family is gone

Tick Tock

Old and frail

Tick Tock

...

Understanding Meaning?

I look to the dictionary for words to this song my heart cries out.

Can't find just the right ones.

Five words with the same meaning, and yet are supposed to be different.

Are words the answer?

Does my heart sing in words?

Or does it sing in something beyond comprehension?

The loss for words leaves me at a loss for understanding.

I understand words, I understand logic, I understand emotion.

How am I, a mere human under God, supposed to understand something more than that?

It's like when hearing the words of God in my heart.

So, are God and my heart speaking the same language?

I can't understand it, yet some things in my life make it seem as though I do.

Link... there is a link... there is a link there that I am missing...

A link that I do not understand... A link that I cannot understand...

A link that I am not meant to understand...

When I see my family, when I see my friends, my heart sings.

It sings a melodious song, a song without words, a song without action...

It is a song with only meaning... Meaning... a language I do not understand...

"What is the meaning of this?!" "What is the meaning of that?!"

What is the meaning of me? Why am I here, breathing, living, protecting, being protected?

What is meaning? Is it value? Is it why I value? Is it what I value?

I do not understand meaning, and yet I have it, yet I give it...

We live with meaning... We live to have meaning... We live to give meaning...

What is meaning? What is the meaning of this text? Will someone else give it meaning?

Will its meaning be meaningful?

Questions I ask myself... I simply don't understand...

I Hate Papers

The words singing to me off the screen
The clicking lyrics of the keyboard's song
The words confirm my ideas
But then they turn against my voice

Erase

Try and try again
Try as I might
The words never seem to come our right
I try again

Erase

Hours past
Two sentences remain
What to write, what to do
It no longer works

Erase

I could keep this up all night
The words forever long
But still I try again
and I fail

Erase

How Time Flies

Laying in bed at night
Looking at the formless shapes of darkness
I see what is and what could be
I think what I want or where I'd like to be

Seeing myself as at five
The days drag on so long
So much can be accomplished
And no deadlines to be met

Seeing myself at ten
Going to bed early but staying up late
Homework and sports take up my time
Thinking about the next adventure to be had


Seeing myself at fourteen
High school has started and friends are a blast
Parties on the weekends; time being lost
Wake up on a stranger's lawn; run home for breakfast

Seeing myself at sixteen
Driving up the road, all on my own
My license in hand, the world is mine
Parties still a must, but still losing time

Seeing myself at eighteen
My graduating class; I'm a legal adult
College the next adventure; I'm moving out
New place, new me, new king to rule

Seeing myself at twenty-one
Legal to drink, but none to be had
Working too much to be good for my health
School is really hard now, no time for a break

Seeing myself at twenty-two
So much time has gone by, but so fast
My new graduating class; I have a degree
The real world beacons me; calling my name

Seeing myself at thirty
The girl I love is mine; we are married
The honeymoon to Europe; a trip to be had
A new adventure is beginning; one to last

Seeing myself at sixty
My son starting a new life of his own
Grandkids are on the way
How can I not be happy, even as the time fades away

Seeing myself at eighty
The days fly by ever so quick
Bones growing weaker; body falling apart
Diagnosed with cancer; time growing short

Seeing myself at eighty-one, two months, 16 days
My time has ended; it all stands still
I live with God now in the fluffy white clouds
Life was an adventure, but now you must carry on

Life

Life is like a river; flowing to and fro
Life is like a speedster; honking when you're slow
Life is like a boat; balancing on the seas
Life is like a coat; not to let you freeze
Life is like a mountain; bigger than it seems
Life is like a fountain; from a source pouring endlessly
Life is like a dance; can be bad, can be good
Life is like a car; it gets harder to control the older it gets

Life is like chocolate; sometimes bitter, sometimes sweet
Life is like love; can't ever get enough
Life is like butter; spread it where ever you can
Life is like medicine; a little can help, but too much can kill you

Life is for better or for worse
Life is a gift to be shared

Life; it's what I got

Taken For Granted

To be taken for granted is a bad feeling indeed
Not to be taken as a servant nor as a noble steed
You are just entirely forgotten until the moment of need
It is only when you are needed that without you they bleed

But what happens in that moment when you are not there
If you are not there to help them, could they even bear
Could they do without you when life hangs by a thread of hair
Would they even realize they need your help, would they even care

They acknowledge your presence when you seldom make yourself known
And even you know they cannot manage the attempt on their own
But you know you are taken for granted, so you keep your quiet tone
You leave it up to them to discover that you are their corner stone

In their structure, you are the most important piece
When you are finally gone, so is the resting peace
Everything falls apart, their patience doth decrease
And when the moment is said and done, you release

You stand up and tell them the fault of their ways
They look up to you and are blinded by the sun's burning rays
You show them how truly insignificant are their plays
And when they notice their fault they show you their praise

If only the world were as just
When in reality it is just a bust
Like how water is needed for iron to rust
Even though you are taken for granted... You are a must...

Searching for Myself

I took the afternoon to walk through the depths of my soul
to see what I might find. As I walk down the dusty and dingy
corridors I notice the cracks in the foundation and the water
dripping from the ceiling. That needs to be fixed. I check out
some of the rooms to see what I've forgotten or lost. I found
a few dollars in the cellar with the door with the broken latch.
I found a photo of an old friend hiding behind a mirror frame.
I found my lucky jeans stuck under a fallen boulder from the
ceiling at the end of one hall. Looking as hard as I can I still
can't seem to find my sanity. I can't find my deepest faith.
I can't find my romance. I can't seem to find myself. Who
am I, that I can't find myself in myself. How long have I
tried to be someone that I'm not that I've forgotten who I
really am? Am I in the room with the nicely made bed?
Am I in the room with the books about sugar-plum fairies
that dance over children's heads? Am I in the room with the
flat screen TV, the room with the bunk-bed, the room with
the giant lamp that makes music when you flip the switch?
I don't know where I am to be found. All alone inside my head,
forced to find the answers myself. Or am I not alone after all?
Is the one they call Him with me inside myself? Can he help
me find who I am? The answers I seek are somewhere in
here. I just don't know where to look. Please, I need help.
Is there a secret chamber I am not aware of? Please, help.